Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of CloydRivers's best tweets

@CloydRivers : I'm glad school taught me the Pythagorean theorem instead of how to do my taxes. It came in really handy this Pythagorean theorem season. 🇺🇸

@CloydRivers: I do 8 sit-ups every mornin'. Might not sound like much, but there's only so many times you can hit the snooze button. Merica.

@CloydRivers: Hey ladies, No Shave November ain't for you. Just saw some gal lookin' like she was tryin' to smuggle a cactus in her yoga pants. Merica.

@CloydRivers: If you plant a block of ramen noodles in the ground and water it with cold ones every day, it will grow into a college kid. It's science.

@CloydRivers: We broke up, but she said we could still be cousins. Merica.

@CloydRivers: Leave it to the idiot hippys to adopt a "holiday" on Hitler's Birthday. Merica.

@CloydRivers: Camo is proper for any occasion. It's good for drinkin' beers, huntin' deers and scarin' queers. Merica.