Funny Tweeter

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Page of DONTJIMMYMEJULZ's best tweets

@DONTJIMMYMEJULZ : I drink because it's difficult to eat alcohol.

@DONTJIMMYMEJULZ: Someone needs to invent an alarm clock that, if you hit snooze more than three times, will call in sick for you.

@DONTJIMMYMEJULZ: When speaking to children I always end every sentence with "...or else you'll die. " - I find this to be an excellent motivational tool.

@DONTJIMMYMEJULZ: Being nice is exhausting, which is why evil people have so much energy.

@DONTJIMMYMEJULZ: My Masseuse just read 'Cinderella' to me ~ That's the last time I ask for a happy ending.