Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of DaddyBeerGuy's best tweets

@DaddyBeerGuy : Daycare sent me a pic of my 4yr old daughter holding hands with a boy.. with interlocked fingers.. INTERLOCKED FINGERS? send bail money!

@DaddyBeerGuy: My daughter is worse than a twitter newbie..

She manually Retweets everything I say...

To my wife!

@DaddyBeerGuy: Boss-You're Always the first one here!

Me-Hey,*early bird gets the worm, right?

*gets to poop or drink coffee without 3yr old interrupting

@DaddyBeerGuy: In case you haven't checked Facebook,

It's hot today, the fireworks were beautiful, and 32 friends invited you to play candy crush!

@DaddyBeerGuy: Hey dude, there's 10 empty urinals in here no need to stand right next to...
And now he's talking to me!

Someone call 911!

@DaddyBeerGuy: Child protective services?

Who's protecting the parents Huh?

WHO'S PROTECTING THE PARENTS?

@DaddyBeerGuy: Wife-CAN YOU CLEAN UP?

Me-*Quietly mutters- I don't work for you!

3-*runs out of room yelling-
DADDY SAYS HE DOESN'T WORK FOR YOU!

@DaddyBeerGuy: Arguing with a woman is like being attacked by a bear...

You're better off playing dead and hoping they get bored and walk away!