@DancesWithTamis: Let me get this straight. The guy was raised by animals in the jungle with no human contact whatsoever and he named himself George?
@DancesWithTamis: In an incredible turn of events we've been informed that the zodiac killer has killed himself after being mistaken for Ted Cruz
@DancesWithTamis: The only good thing about grinding your teeth at night is that every morning you can wake up and do a line of teeth off your pillow
@DancesWithTamis: With trump being a potential candidate I feel like the Simpsons are sitting on their couch watching an episode of us
@DancesWithTamis: "Hola! I'm Señor Coconut, children"
[cracks head on the pavement. Children scream]
"Drink me. Drink me. I'm full of vitamins and minerals"
@DancesWithTamis: I'm so bad at making decisions that whenever I hit a yellow light I scream, open my car door and throw myself out
@DancesWithTamis: [The Beatles writing Here Comes The Sun]
Paul: so what should come after here comes the sun?
[Ringo screams from bathroom]: Doo Doo, Doo Doo
@DancesWithTamis: Confuse your least favorite person at work by moving in slow motion when they're the only person watching you