Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of DanielRCarrillo's best tweets

@DanielRCarrillo : "I'm a green onion and I'm here to say, I can be enjoyed most every day." -A rapscallion

@DanielRCarrillo: Raidâ„¢: For when you don't want to kill ants, but want to make them late for something.

@DanielRCarrillo: Rejected names for lumberjacks:
-Woodroberts
-Treedaves
-Logjeffs
-Forestbills
-Timberjims

@DanielRCarrillo: If your opponent cracks his knuckles before a fight, have comfort knowing that osteoarthritis will, in due time, avenge your savage beating.

@DanielRCarrillo: A barbed-wire tattoo on my arm keeps my arm horses from running away

@DanielRCarrillo: Having pets adds 5 years to your life. Have thousands of pets, never stop owning pets. Become immortal. Laugh as your foes grow old and die