@DirtyySouthMess: [To police.]
"I want to press charges on my co-worker Steve."
"What'd he do?"
"Warmed up fish in the office microwave."
@DirtyySouthMess: Apparently it's not enough to just show up, you need to be wearing pants as well.
@DirtyySouthMess: I was singing in the gym shower & the girl in the one beside me started singing along & then suddenly my life became this weird, naked duet.