@DomBorrett: Saw a guy this morning covered from head to toe in camouflage and sporting a fluorescent safety jacket...
You can't have it both ways mate
@DomBorrett: Me: 'I love you so much, I'll see you later beautiful'
Girlfriend: 'I love you too'
Me: *Looks up from patting dog*
'Yeah see you later'
@DomBorrett: I can't wait to find out who's playing Donald Trump in the next season of American Horror Story
@DomBorrett: Making jokes on Twitter is a lot like making jokes in real life. Except without the frightened faces of strangers on buses
@DomBorrett: I wish I'd worked to learn another language. Only so I'd be more believable when I use language barriers as an excuse to not talk to people
@DomBorrett: Grandma: 'And that's how me and your grandfather chose the colour of toaster in our first home'
Me: 'So you haven't seen my scarf?'
@DomBorrett: Christmas is becoming more and more commercialised every year. Pushing up prices in every sector
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