Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of DomBorrett's best tweets

@DomBorrett : Record breaking, visionary director Steven Spielberg: 'Wanna play a dull, killed off screen character?' Samuel L Jackson: 'Sure'

@DomBorrett: Saw a guy this morning covered from head to toe in camouflage and sporting a fluorescent safety jacket...

You can't have it both ways mate

@DomBorrett: Me: 'I love you so much, I'll see you later beautiful'

Girlfriend: 'I love you too'

Me: *Looks up from patting dog*
'Yeah see you later'

@DomBorrett: I can't wait to find out who's playing Donald Trump in the next season of American Horror Story

@DomBorrett: Making jokes on Twitter is a lot like making jokes in real life. Except without the frightened faces of strangers on buses

@DomBorrett: I wish I'd worked to learn another language. Only so I'd be more believable when I use language barriers as an excuse to not talk to people

@DomBorrett: Grandma: 'And that's how me and your grandfather chose the colour of toaster in our first home'

Me: 'So you haven't seen my scarf?'

@DomBorrett: Christmas is becoming more and more commercialised every year. Pushing up prices in every sector

This tweet is brought to you by Tesco