@Easy_Tiger__: I'm playing dead at work right now so nobody will talk to me. Everyone is screaming. Probably should have used less fake blood.
@Easy_Tiger__: Gf: do I look fat in these pants?
Brain: oh god it's a trap, this is what we've been training for
Me: I've seen worse
Brain: WTF MAN
@Easy_Tiger__: Guys remember: if you encounter a girl in her natural habitat, don't panic. She's just as scared as you. Make loud noises, she will run off.
@Easy_Tiger__: Girls are like puppies.
If you don't take them out enough, they'll poop on your rug.
SERIOUSLY ASHLEY ON MY RUG??
@Easy_Tiger__: People who take things literally on twitter, stop.
Wait. First take this tweet literally, then stop.
@Easy_Tiger__: ATTN: I'm looking for a new girlfriend
1. Between the age of 11-69?
2. Mostly female?
3. Trained to poop outside?
DM for details