Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of EtobicokeErnie's best tweets

@EtobicokeErnie : Watching a cooking show and the host said you can use leftover beer to make battered chicken wings. What the hell is leftover beer?

@EtobicokeErnie: Statistics show that married men live a lot longer than single men. However married men are a lot more willing to die.

@EtobicokeErnie: Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.

@EtobicokeErnie: My neighbour is on his front porch wearing a Halloween mask and oven mitts while trying to remove a wasps nest. This should be interesting.

@EtobicokeErnie: The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance of not going to work tomorrow. Tequila gives you a 1 in 3 chance.