Funny Tweeter

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Page of FatherWithTwins's best tweets

@FatherWithTwins : *overheard from the other room 8yo: Can I have an ice cream sandwich? Grandma: Did you finish your dinner? 8yo: No Grandma: Just one then

@FatherWithTwins: Welcome to parenting. None of the pencils in your house have erasers on them now.

@FatherWithTwins: 8yo: I want to paint my pumpkin this year!
Me: Cool, what color?
8yo: Orange!
Me:
8yo:
Me: *pours drink* Let's do it

@FatherWithTwins: *kids walking

Me: Come on, boys! We have to hurry!

Kids: Okay!

*continue walking at exactly the same pace

@FatherWithTwins: 4yo: Can I have powder on my pizza?
Me: You mean parmesan cheese?
4: I don't like cheese. I want powder
Me: *Gives parmesan cheese
4: *Happy

@FatherWithTwins: Me: *yells something
Wife: I can't hear you
Me: *whispers something under my breath
Wife: I heard that!!

@FatherWithTwins: 7yo: What are these?

Me: Cucumbers. Last week, you said you wanted to eat more healthy.

7yo: No, I meant that DAY, not all the time

@FatherWithTwins: 7yo: Daddy, I love you too!
Me: Aw, I love you too!
7yo: No, I said "I love YouTube"

@FatherWithTwins: Wife: I'm going to wine down
Me: You mean wind down
Wife: No

@FatherWithTwins: My 4yo is trying to sell my own M&M's back to me. This guy's going places.