@FatherWithTwins: Welcome to parenting. None of the pencils in your house have erasers on them now.
@FatherWithTwins: 8yo: I want to paint my pumpkin this year!
Me: Cool, what color?
Me: *pours drink* Let's do it
@FatherWithTwins: *kids walking
Me: Come on, boys! We have to hurry!
*continue walking at exactly the same pace
@FatherWithTwins: 4yo: Can I have powder on my pizza?
Me: You mean parmesan cheese?
4: I don't like cheese. I want powder
Me: *Gives parmesan cheese
@FatherWithTwins: Me: *yells something
Wife: I can't hear you
Me: *whispers something under my breath
Wife: I heard that!!
@FatherWithTwins: 7yo: What are these?
Me: Cucumbers. Last week, you said you wanted to eat more healthy.
7yo: No, I meant that DAY, not all the time
@FatherWithTwins: 7yo: Daddy, I love you too!
Me: Aw, I love you too!
7yo: No, I said "I love YouTube"
@FatherWithTwins: My 4yo is trying to sell my own M&M's back to me. This guy's going places.