Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of FeelingEuphoric's best tweets

@FeelingEuphoric : her: i like a guy that can last long ;) me, a piece of flavored gum: shit

@FeelingEuphoric: [begging for change]

POLICE OFFICER: I’m going to have to ask you to leave

ME: *slamming fists against claw machine* but I'm SO CLOSE

POLICE OFFICER: it’s my turn

@FeelingEuphoric: BARISTA: hey, your drink is on the house today

ME: oh, wow


[awkward pause]

ME: could…could you get it down?

@FeelingEuphoric: TEACHER: can anybody tell me the answer to this problem

ME: *raising hand confidently* no

@FeelingEuphoric: WINDOWS: update? :)

ME: I can’t

WINDOWS: later? :)

ME: I don’t know if I—

WINDOWS: pwease? :)

ME: fine, later tho

WINDOWS: *immediately restarting* oops :)

@FeelingEuphoric: [first time at church]

me: *flipping through bible* do you guys do soups

@FeelingEuphoric: HER: so like, what are you into?

ME: coincidences

HER: no way, me too!

@FeelingEuphoric: ME (teaching driver’s ed): quick, what did that sign we just passed say?


ME: this is important

STUDENT: *reluctantly* McDonald’s, one mile, exit 7A?

ME: good. stay in the right lane and ready your blinker

@FeelingEuphoric: ME: I have an appointment for 1:30

RECEPTIONIST: may I have your last name?

ME: omg *tearing up* yes, I’ll marry you

@FeelingEuphoric: ME: *doing deadlifts* more weight

PALLBEARER: *reluctantly adds another body*