@FlyJ_: It's the man who is supposed to be getting up to make the coffee in the morning. It's even in the Bible under "Hebrews."
@FlyJ_: I have 1 calorie left for the day on MyFitnessPal app. I think I’ll eat this fruit fly that’s been annoying me.
@FlyJ_: I told everyone on Facebook what was "on my mind" and now I'm in jail.
@FlyJ_: I still don't understand why my boss didn't like my idea of playing musical chairs at our next Monday meeting. He asked us for new ideas.
@FlyJ_: Him: *down on one knee*
Will you marry me?
Me: Nah, I'm good, but...
(puts up hand up to high five) thanks for asking!
@FlyJ_: You know that one relative that is annoying AF and no one in the family can tolerate?
Yeah, she's staying at my house this week.
@FlyJ_: I went for a long walk yesterday and my pants are still tight today. This is not how exercise is supposed to work.