Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Fred_Delicious's best tweets

@Fred_Delicious : If Pokémon has taught me anything it's that most of life's problems can be solved by owning a rat that can electrocute people

@Fred_Delicious: "No. Nope. Absolutely not. Nope. Incorrect. Wrong" - Neil deGrasse Tyson watching A Star is Born

@Fred_Delicious: “It’s MY WIIIIFE, it’s now or never” - Borat Jovi

I’m not even remotely sorry

@Fred_Delicious: A hexagon is what Mario says when he frees himself from a curse

@Fred_Delicious: Date - "so they had no other chairs?"
Me [sitting on an alpaca] "no"

@Fred_Delicious: My wife [sexily] - "why don't we...turn out the light?"
Me, a moth - "no"

@Fred_Delicious: ***BREAKING*** sneaky teens trying to buy booze severely misjudge their height - 300ft trenchcoat behemoth said to contain 57 people

@Fred_Delicious: *cop pulls me over*
"blow into this please sir"
"whyy dont you blow on THIS officer!?"
*i hand him a flute & he plays it beautifully*

@Fred_Delicious: What was that movie where the guy shrunk his kids then told his wife about it