Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Fred_Delicious's best tweets

@Fred_Delicious : I have 2020 vision. My eyesight is terrible but I can see precisely 3 years into the future

@Fred_Delicious: Wife - "I can't do this anymore. It's either me or ur dinosaur themed hip-hop group"
Me - "well then I'm afraid I choose the VelociRapStars"

@Fred_Delicious: "daddy, the sun has disappeared!!"
[Neil Degrasse Tyson arrives on a Segway]
"listen here you little shit"

@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis reaches for his iPhone but accidentally grabs his iPad and screams because he thinks he's shrunk

@Fred_Delicious: Me - "did Benjamin Button's pubes fall out or grow back inside his body?"
Doctor - "no I meant what seems to be the problem with you"

@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis is snorkelling when a shadowy figure appears in front of him. It's a pug in full scuba gear. a very slow chase ensues

@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis calls the cops to report the pug that's been chasing him. The line is silent except for soft panting. the operator barks

@Fred_Delicious: Simba - "welcome to... The bone zone"
Nala - "the what?"
Simba - "elephant graveyard. I said elephant graveyard"

@Fred_Delicious: Before YouTube, people had to travel to music video shoots to argue about Hitler