Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of FuckabillyRex's best tweets

@FuckabillyRex : Everybody's playing an angle and I'm really bad at trigonometry.

@FuckabillyRex: Fill your coffee maker with cake mix for an amazingly delicious yet entirely unexpected Thursday morning.

@FuckabillyRex: Someone challenged me to, “Get out of your comfort zone,” and I was like, “Lady, the last time I felt comfortable was sometime in 1982.”

@FuckabillyRex: I call my depression Visa because it’s everywhere I want to be.

@FuckabillyRex: -Why are you dressed like that?
-I'm a wizard.
-That's a bath robe.
-Wizard's robe.
-You're not magic, Ben.
-Watch me make my job disappear.

@FuckabillyRex: Sat cross-legged on the floor for 5 minutes and I guess I’ll never walk normally again.

@FuckabillyRex: I'm seducing you. Do you feel seduced? Tell me when you're seduced, even if it's just a little. Do you want some macaroni? Are you seduced?

@FuckabillyRex: I made too much macaroni in a too small pot and I feel like that’s exactly what I look like in the t-shirts that used to fit me.

@FuckabillyRex: *during sex
Her: I’m not like all those other girls.
Me: No?
Her: I’m Gary.

@FuckabillyRex: Hey, babygirl, I have ten bucks and a BOGO coupon for McDonalds. Wanna come watch me eat two Big Macs?