Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of FuckabillyRex's best tweets

@FuckabillyRex : Driving around picking up hitchhikers until I find one that's feeling murdery.

@FuckabillyRex: If you're the kinda person that gets antsy when people stand on an escalator instead of walking, try a blood curdling scream, they'll move.

@FuckabillyRex: If you wear it all the time, you'll never know if she's in love with you, or your denim vest, and the chances are it's the vest.

@FuckabillyRex: *during sex
Her: This feels weird, is it a water bed?
Me: Nope. Way better.
*pulls back sheet to reveal hundreds of meatball subs

@FuckabillyRex: *skateboarding at 16
I don't care about girls, I'm skating.

*skateboarding at 43
I should have had more sex when I was 16.

@FuckabillyRex: Gave a lady on the bus my seat and then sang Coldplay's Yellow to her and it was so emotional she had to get off at the next stop.

@FuckabillyRex: Tonight I sleep on a bed of fried chicken and biscuits. The colonel drizzles me with gravy. Is this heaven or hell?

It's both.

@FuckabillyRex: My dog seems happy so I took her meds to see if they'd help me and I guess at least I won't have any ticks this summer.

@FuckabillyRex: That feeling when you kinda wanna end it all but you're already in bed and your hara kiri sword is all the way across the room.

@FuckabillyRex: If you didn't wanna see 157 pictures of me eating cake, you shouldn't have put me in charge of the PowerPoint presentation, boss.