Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of GingerHotDish's best tweets

@GingerHotDish : Them: So why did you guys get divorced? Did he cheat? Me: We went to Costco on a Saturday.

@GingerHotDish: {Text to boyfriend}

Meet me at our place.

Me: *waiting in Starbucks parking lot

Him: *waiting in the backseat of his car behind Kmart

@GingerHotDish: [Me as a Sunday school teacher]

...then on the third day Odin went to Valhalla so that warriors who died in battle would have eternal life.

@GingerHotDish: I sent my boyfriend a picture of my taco. Yeah, he was disappointed that wasn't a euphemism as well.

@GingerHotDish: Daughter: Do you think Freddie Mercury and Edgar Allen Poe would get along?

Me: Huh?

Daughter: Cuz he's just a Poe boy from a Poe family.

@GingerHotDish: Cortana, where is the closest Taco Bell?

There's a Weight Watchers meeting 1 mile away from you.

*Note to self: Never call Siri Cortana*

@GingerHotDish: "You made your bed now lay in it" doesn't really sound like a punishment to me. I love laying in a freshly made bed.

And other 5am thoughts

@GingerHotDish: The only time I've ever been a priority is when I paid extra for shipping.

@GingerHotDish: I'm not saying the character Merida was modeled after me,

but I too would rather win an archery contest than be married.