Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of GingerHotDish's best tweets

@GingerHotDish : Excuse me lady, either your baby is crying or your tea is ready...regardless, fix that shit.

@GingerHotDish: Me: (slightly intoxicated ) I don’t think our cat understands me at all.

16: Mom, put the guinea pig back in his cage please. You’re scaring him.

@GingerHotDish: Not to brag, but I’m easily the hottest person in a Waffle House bathroom stall at any given moment in Georgia.

@GingerHotDish: {During Mass}

Priest: Can someone please check on the woman screaming the rosary in the confessional booth?

@GingerHotDish: Sorry I licked my fingers before shaking your hand when we met, but I had Cheetos dust on them and I didn't want to seem gross.

@GingerHotDish: M: Bless me Father for I have sinned.
P: You're not even Catholic.
M: You don't want to hear what I did?
P: Oh, I do. I've read your tweets.

@GingerHotDish: You act like you've never seen a grown woman ride a carousel horse without kids.

@GingerHotDish: *waves arm in the direction of the lake*

One day, all this will be yours.

12: Are you threatening to drown me?

Me: Just make your bed, k?

@GingerHotDish: [During sex]

Me: What did you mean the other day when you said I have bad timing?

@GingerHotDish: Them: So why did you guys get divorced? Did he cheat?

Me: We went to Costco on a Saturday.