Funny Tweeter

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Page of GingerHotDish's best tweets

@GingerHotDish : Nothing prepares you for the love you have for your children, or for your own ability to say I don’t know a million times a day without snapping their adorable little necks.

@GingerHotDish: Went a little too hard on leg day at the gym and the next day I couldn't walk.

Naturally, I lied and told my friends that I met someone...

@GingerHotDish: I want a Viking funeral when I die...complete with sticks, marshmallows and chocolate for the attendees.

What? I'm sure that's traditional.

@GingerHotDish: Me: Now I am become death. The destroyer of worlds.

Him: Stop talking to your burrito and just eat it.

@GingerHotDish: Excuse me lady, either your baby is crying or your tea is ready...regardless, fix that shit.

@GingerHotDish: Me: (slightly intoxicated ) I don’t think our cat understands me at all.

16: Mom, put the guinea pig back in his cage please. You’re scaring him.

@GingerHotDish: Not to brag, but I’m easily the hottest person in a Waffle House bathroom stall at any given moment in Georgia.

@GingerHotDish: {During Mass}

Priest: Can someone please check on the woman screaming the rosary in the confessional booth?

@GingerHotDish: Sorry I licked my fingers before shaking your hand when we met, but I had Cheetos dust on them and I didn't want to seem gross.

@GingerHotDish: M: Bless me Father for I have sinned.
P: You're not even Catholic.
M: You don't want to hear what I did?
P: Oh, I do. I've read your tweets.