Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of GingerHotDish's best tweets

@GingerHotDish : Me: Alexa, make me a drink. Her: Mom, that’s not my name and I think you’ve had enough.

@GingerHotDish: Don’t worry if she spells out “I’m fine!” in lighter fluid on your front lawn, but if she lights it... she is definitely lying.

@GingerHotDish: [At the gym]

My body: WTF

Me: I know

Body: I thought we were done with this bullshit?

Me: No, this is how it is from now on.

Body: *charley horse*

Me: Well played, bitch... well played

@GingerHotDish: I told him I’d send him nudes everyday he was sick, but we are on day 17 now... how long does the flu normally last?

@GingerHotDish: Me: Is anyone gonna eat this?

Them: That’s a baby.

Me: *rolling my eyes* that’s why I asked first.

@GingerHotDish: I’ve never made it longer than 7 hours into a diet before my inner fat girl ate her way out.

@GingerHotDish: Them: You’re a dumpster fire.

Me: Awww, you think I’m hot?

@GingerHotDish: [Me at the gym]

Excuse me sir, does your little brother know you’re stretching out his shirts every day?

@GingerHotDish: Birdbox, but it’s just me yelling at you not to look when the lights accidentally come on during sex.

@GingerHotDish: My dad calls my mom beautiful after 55 years of marriage, but I’m starting to suspect it’s because he forgot her name.