Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of GingerHotDish's best tweets

@GingerHotDish : “I will love you forever.” She threatened, remembering how her aunt lived to be 107.

@GingerHotDish: The guy sitting nearest to me on the plane is a wizard. He pulled birthday cake out of his backpack!!! A stingy wizard because he didn’t share, but still...

@GingerHotDish: I hate when my kids and I can’t agree on where we are going for Sunday breakfast, but I love that we all agree I’m not making it.

@GingerHotDish: The cabana boy was flirting with me at the pool, and my daughter told him he should go get some water if he was that thirsty. I can’t stop laughing.

@GingerHotDish: My therapist says I should delete my account and meet real people, but she’s still on Facebook so what does she know.

@GingerHotDish: I was going to eat a salad today, but then I remembered I’m not a rabbit.

@GingerHotDish: Someone asked for my advice today and I replied, “What would Jesus do?”

...and that’s how you get people to stop talking to you at work.

@GingerHotDish: Nothing prepares you for the love you have for your children, or for your own ability to say I don’t know a million times a day without snapping their adorable little necks.

@GingerHotDish: Went a little too hard on leg day at the gym and the next day I couldn't walk.

Naturally, I lied and told my friends that I met someone...

@GingerHotDish: I want a Viking funeral when I die...complete with sticks, marshmallows and chocolate for the attendees.

What? I'm sure that's traditional.