@GoldenSpirals: I hate when I buy new shoes,
and I have to learn to drive all over again.
@GoldenSpirals: He tripped, and the laundry basket fell to floor, spilling clothes everywhere.
I sat back and watched it all unfold.
@GoldenSpirals: Naked and Afraid,
but it's just me staring down a spider in the shower.
@GoldenSpirals: Hippocrates did very well for himself,
considering he was named after cages for a large mammal.
@GoldenSpirals: [At Vision Center]
Receptionist: Which Doctor would you like to see?
Me: I'd like to be able to see all of them. That's why I'm here.
@GoldenSpirals: Why did Yogi Bear only have a collar and a tie, and not a full dress shirt?
*Patiently waits as you all Google pics of Yogi Bear*
@GoldenSpirals: The greatest trick the devil ever played
was offering a buy one get one free sale one day after you already purchased two at regular price.
@GoldenSpirals: My sister texted and asked if she and her kids could come over,
and now I'm frantically looking for a new place to live.