@GoldenSpirals: Growing up,
I knew my Mom meant business when she started yelling words I didn't know existed.
@GoldenSpirals: I've had 3 new bosses at work in the last 6 months.
I wonder when they're going to bring me in for questioning.
I should move the bodies.
@GoldenSpirals: Cooking directions: Stir constantly until it comes to a boil.
Me: Orders takeout.
@GoldenSpirals: Humans will not be fully evolved until everyone achieves the ability to maintain a constant speed while driving.
@GoldenSpirals: My new washing machine plays a tune very similar to an ice cream truck when it's finished.
There's no ice cream in there. I checked. Twice.
@GoldenSpirals: I hate when I buy new shoes,
and I have to learn to drive all over again.
@GoldenSpirals: He tripped, and the laundry basket fell to floor, spilling clothes everywhere.
I sat back and watched it all unfold.