Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of IamEveryDayPpl's best tweets

@IamEveryDayPpl : Me: "I wish I was super hot..." Menopause: "I got you, boo."

@IamEveryDayPpl: I bet Santa has 3 lists now:

Naughty, nice, and people who've left him healthy snacks instead of cookies.

@IamEveryDayPpl: *hears Christmas carolers*

Alexa, turn the sprinklers on.

@IamEveryDayPpl: Painting your own toenails is a great way to save a few bucks and to realize you’ve gained weight since the last time you painted your own toenails.

@IamEveryDayPpl: Having teenage boys over for the weekend is a great way to clean out the kitchen. It’s like hiring goats to mow the lawn.

@IamEveryDayPpl: My boss gave me his credit card for lunch and said “grab yourself something too” yet seems surprised that I went shoe shopping...

Weird.

@IamEveryDayPpl: I had 3 crackers, a ketchup packet, and a yogurt that said "Liz's. Don't Touch!" for lunch in case anyone wondered if tomorrow is payday.

@IamEveryDayPpl: If salons offered free wine with a wax, Twitter moms wouldn’t have any hair at all.