Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Ideal_Victoria's best tweets

@Ideal_Victoria : Almost hit someone with my car just to get their attention… It’s safe to say that flirting isn’t my strong point.

@Ideal_Victoria: I hope people who faint in public know that they're making things super awkward for the rest of us.

@Ideal_Victoria: Date: “I’m falling in love with you”
Me: *rearranges french fries in plate to read, “we should see other people”

@Ideal_Victoria: Me: I hate seeing you like this.
Coworker: Like how?
Me: In person

@Ideal_Victoria: Him: I'm attracted to bad girls
Me: *changes lanes without signaling*

@Ideal_Victoria: Him: how about we finish dinner and you can show me your bedroom
Me: why wait? *pulls out cellphone and flips through photos of my room*

@Ideal_Victoria: Me: It’s a beautiful night
Him: What?
Me: It’s a BEAUTIFUL night
Him: What?
Me: *opens trunk* I SAID, IT’S A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT!

@Ideal_Victoria: Me: [Nudges friend] You should see what I just wrote on the bathroom wall.

Friend: Uh... You do know we're at my house right?

@Ideal_Victoria: [during sex]
Him: it'd be nice if you were a little more enthusiastic
Me: *pulls out giant foam finger*

@Ideal_Victoria: Life doesn't do much to prepare you for when a coworker gets bangs and asks what you think of her hair.