Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of JJSummertime's best tweets

@JJSummertime : Why does lipgloss last 43 minutes on my lips but 17 years on my coffee mug?

@JJSummertime: If I litter my sidewalk and steps with those little pumpkins, does it keep people out or make them trip or what?

@JJSummertime: Cw: What are you having for lunch?
Me: Unwelcome company it seems.

@JJSummertime: Mandatory urine test tomorrow means asparagus for dinner tonight.
Two can play.

@JJSummertime: It is snowing perfect snowball packing snow right now, so I was wondering if anyone would like to walk slowly past my house?

@JJSummertime: Now I lay me down to rest.
I pray your TC loves you best.
If he does choose another,
I sincerely hope it's not your mother.

@JJSummertime: Me: I'm going to bed after this episode.
Netflix: Hahahahahaha! Sure. Ok.

@JJSummertime: If I had 3 wishes I'd spend them on my daughter.
Happiness, success and her very own little shithead who refuses to replace the TP roll.