Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of JaneBadall's best tweets

@JaneBadall : My twittercide will be like the final scene in BraveHeart but a doughnut will fall from my hand in slowmo instead of an embroidered hanky.

@JaneBadall: I've set my hair on fire lighting a cigarette before, so I'm always impressed when the movie-hero walks away from an explosion unharmed.

@JaneBadall: If I was an alcoholic, I'd stash all my booze in the laundry basket because apparently I'm the only person in my house who knows it exists.

@JaneBadall: Online relationships - For when you want to be disappointed by imaginary people, too.

@JaneBadall: My son approaches even small chores with the enthusiasm of a POW forced to build a railway bridge over the river Kwai.

@JaneBadall: In retrospect, the kidnapping was going according to plan until I blew my nose on the rag I'd soaked with chloroform.

@JaneBadall: My son just paced back and forth dictating his letter to Santa like a high-powered CEO.

Forget Prada, the Devil wears Ironman pyjamas.

@JaneBadall: I always leave the room when my son's imaginary friend comes to play. I've seen 'The Sixth Sense' and frankly, I'm not taking any chances.

@JaneBadall: Expecting an idiot to admit they're wrong feels a lot like trying to put socks on an octopus.

@JaneBadall: Fondly remembering a time when I could wear an over-sized guy's cardigan and still look pretty sexy, now I just look like a crazy bag lady.