Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of JayCee302's best tweets

@JayCee302 : Me: Yeah man, got her right where I want her Bartender: Oh yeah? Me: Yup, sitting at home while the cable man works on th ::rushes home::

@JayCee302: A cute girl with brilliance is the best thing in the world that doesn't have cheese on it

Wait couldn't I just put the che

Mother of god

@JayCee302: Me: "I really like this car"

Salesman: "Yeah and it also has a latch in case someone gets stuck in the trunk!"

Me: "Eh, what else ya got?"

@JayCee302: The asian girl I'm playing chess against is really hot, you might say she's worth a...

*puts on sunglasses*

"Second rook"

@JayCee302: I finally started writing the book on herbs I've been putting off for so long, I guess it's..

:looks directly at the camera:

"About thyme"

@JayCee302: Haters gonna hate, thermometers gonna thermom