Funny Tweeter

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Page of Jerrypleasure's best tweets

@Jerrypleasure : [Restaurant] Date: I like guys who plan ahead Me: If you die early, I'll marry my ex

@Jerrypleasure: [1st day working in a Bank]
*gang comes in with a knife in their hands*

ME: *rushes over to them* Can you chop these apples for me

@Jerrypleasure: [RESTAURANT]

Her : I like kids

(To impress her)

Me: *Points at any kid in a restaurant* I'm his father

@Jerrypleasure: [First Date]

Her: I love One Direction

Me: *to impress her* I carry a compass

@Jerrypleasure: (1st day as a doctor)

Me:No heartbeat

Nurse:Sir,heart is on left side

Me:Ohh,is it

Patient:(Staring at me as if I had kissed his wife)