Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of JohnnyCrash5's best tweets

@JohnnyCrash5 : Friend: How come you didn't come to my babyshower? Me: Oh I'm sorry but I passed away.

@JohnnyCrash5: [First date & I'm super nervous]
Her: Are you ok?
Me: yesh.
Her: did u just say yesh?
Me: um Nosh.

@JohnnyCrash5: Getting a woman:

1.Select the woman u like
2. Lick her face
3. She is now yours take her home

HAHAHAHAHAHA

I've been arrested 10 times

@JohnnyCrash5: *Eats a Lean Cuisine

*20 minutes go by.

*Devours entire Pizza Hut store...including employees.

@JohnnyCrash5: If my dog barks at you we can't be friends, also, I hate you too.

@JohnnyCrash5: [Interrupts the wedding vows] it's open bar right?