Funny Tweeter

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Page of JustDontBugMe's best tweets

@JustDontBugMe : Like my priest always says, "Your confessions are the reason I drink."

@JustDontBugMe: Me: I was arrested for drunk driving.
Mom: *faints*
Me: Kidding! I failed my history test.
Mom: Whew. Ok.
*2 mins later*
Mom:Failed a test??

@JustDontBugMe: [Ouija Board]

Me: Is anyone around?

Board: N O T Y O U A G A I N

@JustDontBugMe: Me: *carrying a heavy bag*

Him: Whoa, take it easy. Let me help.

M: I’m OK. I'm a strong, independent person. I don't need help.

[seconds later]

M: *crying* I CAN'T FEEL MY FINGERS!

@JustDontBugMe: Mom: Why didn't you answer your phone?
M: I was in a lecture.
Mom: Where are you now?
M: Walking the dog.
Mom: You need better excuses.
M: It's the truth.
Mom: Then put the dog on.

@JustDontBugMe: My refrigerator has an excessive amount of leftovers for someone that eats as much as I do.

@JustDontBugMe: Pizza: *screaming* BUT DOES ANYONE CARE WHAT I'D LIKE TO HAVE ON TOP OF ME!?

@JustDontBugMe: When I found out that my neighbour is allergic to cats
I bought one
And I have never seen him since.