Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of JustDontBugMe's best tweets

@JustDontBugMe : For my next trick, I will try not to kill my volunteer.

@JustDontBugMe: [Getting married]

Hey, thanks for doing this with me... I wasn't sure how to operate the microwave.

@JustDontBugMe: Me: Another nightmare?
Him: Why?

M: You were yelling "Dora the Explorer help! No Swiper, no!"

H: ...
M: Maybe lay off the cartoons, bruh.

@JustDontBugMe: Millennial1: What's a Solar Eclipse?

Millennial2: When the moon photobombs the sun.

@JustDontBugMe: [god creating raccoons]

God: Make a giant squirrel that's dressed like a burglar and greedy af.

Angel: But...

God: Just do it.

@JustDontBugMe: [First Date]

M: Hi!

Him: Hi, I'm Chandler, I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable.

M: Oh really? *winks*

H: You look beautiful today.

@JustDontBugMe: [Secret Meeting]

God: We need to create something Magical

Angel: Yes, Sir

G: Call it Unicorn

A: *Tries and fails

G: Call it rhinoceros

@JustDontBugMe: American: Say Aboot or Sorey? You say words so weird.

Canadian: Yeah eh. Does saying Free health care hurt your feelings?

@JustDontBugMe: [During an ultrasound scan]

Doctor:The baby looks fine.

Mom:See? that's your baby sister in there!

3:What??Mom, why did you eat the baby?

@JustDontBugMe: Her: Those ants are working so hard.
Me: We could learn from them.

Ant1: Humans are staring.
Ant2: Yes, they'll spray some shit on us. Run!