@KentWGraham: My wife and I have different beliefs about death. I want to be cremated when I die, and she wants to cremate me now.
@KentWGraham: Guy science: The proper amount of time for a pan to soak before cleaning it is until you need to use it again.
@KentWGraham: After Jaws, I wouldn’t go in water. After the Godfather, I wouldn’t eat at Italian restaurants. I wish I’d seen the Omen before having kids.
@KentWGraham: I used to sing my daughter to sleep at night, which is probably why her first word was “Stop.”
@KentWGraham: Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
@KentWGraham: There should be an Olympic event that requires participants to remove a single cube from an ice cube tray.
@KentWGraham: If you pack an acid-laced brownie in your lunch, you can quickly identify the employee who’s stealing all the food from the fridge.
@KentWGraham: Why do doctor's offices take your blood pressure AFTER weighing you? Of course it's going to be high then.