Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of KentWGraham's best tweets

@KentWGraham : God, I hate Apple. I updated my iPhone software and now I’m missing a bunch of photos, 30 bucks from my dresser and my favorite pants.

@KentWGraham: I went to the bathroom at IKEA and needed an Allen wrench to flush the toilet.

@KentWGraham: If you glue a dead wasp to your palm, you can smack your boss on the back of the head as hard as you want and act like you saved him.

@KentWGraham: Do people who get meal kits shipped to their home know they can have restaurants deliver food that’s already cooked?

@KentWGraham: Word of advice to all the babies readying to leave the womb: Don’t.

@KentWGraham: Before couples have children, they should walk head-on into a Category 5 hurricane to make sure they’re ready.

@KentWGraham: My wife just told me 11 more things I do wrong after she said she wasn’t talking to me anymore.

@KentWGraham: Got my daughter a one-dollar gift card to the Dollar Store and told her to get whatever she wants.

@KentWGraham: We got a dusting of snow here in Michigan. Or as people south of Ohio refer to it: “Death Blizzard 2017.”

@KentWGraham: Didn't find out until I got to work that these exposed-shoulder tops are intended for women.