Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Kristen_Arnett's best tweets

@Kristen_Arnett : ah yes writing, that thing i do where i open a word document and then get up and start cleaning my entire house

@Kristen_Arnett: the man next to me at this airport bar just sent at least 30 cry laugh emojis to a person in a text while he sat stoically drinking a heineken

@Kristen_Arnett: put my earbuds in so i wouldn’t have to talk with the man next to me on the plane and he asked if he could “borrow one so we could listen together”

@Kristen_Arnett: sibling culture is not talking to each other for awhile and then texting them “this is you” along with a picture of an ugly bird you found online

@Kristen_Arnett: some guy in the 7-eleven said “it was only a kiss” into his phone and the other 3 of us in the store all yelled IT WAS ONLY A KISS anyway i think he is gonna be getting divorced soon

@Kristen_Arnett: this morning at 7-eleven i saw a lizard next to the coffee maker and the cashier said "no worries that's just marvin, he likes the smell"