@Laser_Cat: "You're going out with that boy again? He's no good."
*furiously knits a condom*
"Grandma, that's not how it works."
@Laser_Cat: If you subtract all the sex robots those NASA nerds built, the moon landing only cost like eighty dollars.
@Laser_Cat: Congratulations, Mrs. Smith. You have a healthy baby clown. Oh look, twins! Triplets! Somebody get a camera. Four, five, six...
@Laser_Cat: If Skyrim has taught me anything, it's that you should always check people's urns for gold. Don't be afraid. Pull grandma off the mantle.
@Laser_Cat: God: Build me an ark.
Noah: A what?
God *pinching his nose*: A big boat.
Noah *looking around the desert*: A what?
@Laser_Cat: *sharpens claws of two dozen lobsters*
*sets loose in back yard*
*never mows again*
@Laser_Cat: *leans out office door*
Susan, hold all my calls. I have a very important lunch.
*goes to desk and makes animal crackers fight each other*
@Laser_Cat: The guy who invented doors must have been a big hero to the thousands of people standing around outside their homes.
So what's a personal strength?
And a failing?
"I murder people who don't hire me."