Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of LeviathanPride's best tweets

@LeviathanPride : Guys at work are always like "why are your shorts so short?" Then I spin kick an inch away from their face with such precision and they know

@LeviathanPride: Kim Jong Un is 30, runs a dictatorship, executes ex-girlfriends, and openly threatens to annihilate the US. What am I doing with MY life?

@LeviathanPride: Why did the US invade Iraq when Steven Seagal's ponytail contains 85% of the worlds natural resources?

@LeviathanPride: Overheard this locker room convo: "The new school janitor is weird. He's always hiding in here when we're showering". I took my mop and left

@LeviathanPride: Does North Korea remember what happened the last time a country attacked Hawaii?

@LeviathanPride: Made a friend today. Well, I knocked on my window when a guy walked past my house. I'll name him Terry.

@LeviathanPride: Hurricanes, famine, disease, war crimes, child molestation, political corruption. And Jesus appears to mankind on a slice of toast.