Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of LionJenkins's best tweets

@LionJenkins : Will The Real Slim Shady please sit down Will The Real Slim Shady put his left arm in Now out Will The Real Slim Shady shake it all about

@LionJenkins: Lawyer: Your Honor, this verdict is bullshit. I'm outta here!
Judge: Litigator!
Lawyer: After a while crocodile.

@LionJenkins: [In a chair]
Leans back
Leans back
Leans ba...
[Ambulance]

@LionJenkins: I imagine colonoscopies are accompanied by the theme music from the underground level of Super Mario Bros.

@LionJenkins: Autocorrect just changed "Selfies" to "Selfless" so I just took a picture without me in it.

@LionJenkins: you can tell im drunk by the number of made-up words i concoctulate

@LionJenkins: [First day at New Job]

New Boss: When in Rome do as the Romans you know?

<Slaughters entire office and imposes grain taxes on peasantry>

@LionJenkins: Me: *Wrong Turn
Siri: Recalculating Route
Me: *Wrong Turn
Siri: Recalculating Route
Me: *Wrong Turn
Siri: You're on your own, Idiot.

@LionJenkins: Mos Def (Most Definitely.)

Hi Def (High. Definitely.)

@LionJenkins: Dear Adobe,

In all the times I've been to the circus I've never seen an Acrobat Reading.