Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of LoneWolfStories's best tweets

@LoneWolfStories : Autocorrect changed smell to spell but you know what? Your spelling is horrible too.

@LoneWolfStories: This stray cat on my balcony is looking at me like I'm invading its privacy.

@LoneWolfStories: Her: OMG! The holidays aren't an excuse to stuff your face with whatever edible that crosses your path.

Me: I eat like this everyday.

@LoneWolfStories: That's one healthy flower bed you've got blooming in your backyard. How many bodies do you have buried there?

-My attempts at small talk.

@LoneWolfStories: It's like my fridge sends texts inviting all my friends over the moment I fill it up.

@LoneWolfStories: Sometimes I like to surprise my neighbours by smiling and waving back at them.

@LoneWolfStories: Her: Let's go shopping.
Me: In your dreams.
Her: The boutique has Wi-Fi.
Me: Why are we still here?

@LoneWolfStories: If I'm your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.

@LoneWolfStories: Damn you autocorrect for making me look like an idiom. Always trying to make a tool out of me.