@LurkAtHomeMom: Me: I’m sitting down to read and have my coffee. Don’t come in here unless it’s an emergency. I want 15 minutes.
[12 seconds later]
“MOOOMMMM! HE’S BUILDING A FORCE FIELD AROUND ME”
@LurkAtHomeMom: 5: How come we never do anything fun?
Me: We went to an amusement park..
5: Yeah but that was a really long time ago
Me: It was yesterday
@LurkAtHomeMom: My 4 year old spilled water on his bathing suit, so he can't go in the pool until he changes and this is why vodka is a thing.
@LurkAtHomeMom: I asked my son to look through the playroom for things to donate to goodwill, and he was so generous about it, within minutes, he came back with a whole bag filled with his sister’s toys.
@LurkAtHomeMom: I just finished off my daughter’s leftover juice and swallowed a surprise tater tot. I’m not looking for sympathy, I just want you to be aware that this kind of thing can happen.
@LurkAtHomeMom: Me: *lifts couch cushion*
6yo: what are you looking for?
Me: six thousand dollars
@LurkAtHomeMom: Practice for parenthood by approaching a pack of rabid wolves and saying “Time to brush teeth! Who wants to go first?” Do that twice a day.
@LurkAtHomeMom: If another mom leaves her kids with her husband to meet you out somewhere and you bring your toddler, that is considered an act of war.
@LurkAtHomeMom: Ugh what’s with all the free range organic baby food crap? My parents fed me Wonder bread and jelly and guess what, I miraculously grew into an adult. I mean, not a functioning one. But still.