Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Marlebean's best tweets

@Marlebean : Any leggings can be fur lined leggings if you don't shave your legs.

@Marlebean: A nasal spray that's filled with glitter, so when you sneeze it's like a confetti popper.

@Marlebean: My husband loves to role play Sexy Star Wars in bed.

Maybe one day I'll get to wear the golden bikini.

@Marlebean: Sometimes I lie and tell my husband I spent $300 at Costco so he'll stop talking to me.

@Marlebean: Who named it "push-up bra" instead of "abracadabra" ??

@Marlebean: Prepare for the zombie apocalypse?
Just bite me and get it over with. I'm too lazy for this crap.

@Marlebean: I'll photoshop my youngest into old pics just to make him stop crying about not being a part of the family before he was born.

@Marlebean: (opens door)
Me: Staff meeting soon
M: Nice carpet
M: Can I borrow some toilet paper? The next stall is out.

@Marlebean: With my husband's inability to find anything, I'm really surprised we have children.

@Marlebean: They say guys who drive tiny sports cars are trying to over-compensate...

*walks up to guy in minivan*