@Marlebean: Officer: ...
Me: I was trying to pamper him!
O: By blow drying his hair?
M: Yes! Like a salon!
O: In the bathtub?!
M: It's ... luxurious
@Marlebean: My mouth says: Yes, yes! Keep eating that candy!
My pants say: For the love of god, I cannot hold on much longer!
@Marlebean: *gave my child a coin to throw in a wishing fountain*
"What did you wish for?"
"I wished I could throw a coin in the fountain."
@Marlebean: Whatever snack my kid doesn't finish in her lunchbox, I just leave in there.
By Friday, she's got a Golden Corral style buffet.
@Marlebean: Oooh honey, you were amazing last night. Can we do that again tonight?
Him: "... I slept on the couch."
@Marlebean: I use my rear windshield wiper mainly to show off that I have a car with a rear windshield wiper.