@Marlebean: Friend: "You really shouldn't let pets sleep in your bed."
Me: "But I like cuddling!"
Friend: "I think your goldfish is dead now."
@Marlebean: I can't hold my breath to swim to the other side of the pool but I suddenly have Michael Phelps lungs to get away from someone coughing.
@Marlebean: "Put your hand on the shopping cart or I'm going to put you inside it."
"Mom I'm right here."
"Hand on the cart now. I don't want you to get lost."
"I'M NOT GETTING LOST!"
"3, 2, 1"
*My mom struggles to lift me up into the cart*
"I'M 36 MOM!!"
@Marlebean: I'm tired of all this mother effing playdough on the mother effing floor.
-Samuel L Jackson, babysitting my kids
What are you eating?
@Marlebean: Hubby asked me to role play sexy maid but was sold out
*Dressed up like David Spade from Tommy Boy
"HOUSEKEEPING, YOU WANT ME FLUFF PILLOW"