@Merman_Melville: (Guy who was trapped in a well for 20 years standing in front of the Get Well Soon cards at the pharmacy, frowning)
@Merman_Melville: Moby-Dick is cool if you like stopping in the middle of a story about murdering a smart whale to think about all the different kinds of rope
@Merman_Melville: (Someone finally shuts off a car alarm)
Philip Glass: (sticks head out of apartment window above) HEY I WAS LISTENING TO THAT
@Merman_Melville: At my funeral the priest will throw my corpse into the crowd and whoever catches it will be the next to die
@Merman_Melville: Boss: Can you send the documents
Me: I am sinking in the muck of a swamp of ancient pain
Boss: Ok just don't forget to send the documents
@Merman_Melville: Why doesn't anyone put the whole football on their mouth like a pelican and pretend they don't have it
@Merman_Melville: Me: I need a raise
Secretly-an-Alien Manager: Yes, it is good to, want to exchange labor for the right amount of delicious green rectangles
@Merman_Melville: Apple watch, loudly: "It is time for you to poop"
Me: "A-as I was saying, our investors h-"
Watch, louder: "It is your optimal poop time"
@Merman_Melville: I'm a female historian who specializes in war atrocities, check out my blog "The War Atrocity Babe"