Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of MichaelGoffLA's best tweets

@MichaelGoffLA : How long does a guest have to overstay before you can claim them on your taxes?

@MichaelGoffLA: Shouldn't elevators have a different name for the trip back down?

@MichaelGoffLA: Pot has never been proven harmful to humans, but the way it makes those huge holes in the street has to give you pause.

@MichaelGoffLA: Apparently organ donation has to be *your own* organ and this police officer has a lot of questions.

@MichaelGoffLA: "Engagement" can mean either planning to marry or initiating combat. Coincidence?

@MichaelGoffLA: What if you told a lie to cover up your affair, and the lie was so good that 2000 years later people were still giving each other presents?

@MichaelGoffLA: I bought one follower just to see what it was like and he showed up at my job and his name is Eddie and he’s kind of freaking me out guys.

@MichaelGoffLA: Feed me pieces of baguette by the park bench like one of your French squirrels.