Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@MichaelGoffLA : How long does a guest have to overstay before you can claim them on your taxes?
@MichaelGoffLA: Shouldn't elevators have a different name for the trip back down?
@MichaelGoffLA: Pot has never been proven harmful to humans, but the way it makes those huge holes in the street has to give you pause.
@MichaelGoffLA: Apparently organ donation has to be *your own* organ and this police officer has a lot of questions.
@MichaelGoffLA: "Engagement" can mean either planning to marry or initiating combat. Coincidence?
@MichaelGoffLA: What if you told a lie to cover up your affair, and the lie was so good that 2000 years later people were still giving each other presents?
@MichaelGoffLA: I bought one follower just to see what it was like and he showed up at my job and his name is Eddie and he’s kind of freaking me out guys.
@MichaelGoffLA: Feed me pieces of baguette by the park bench like one of your French squirrels.