@MichaelTrying: "He is usually nice and fills my dish, but this morning he stepped on my tail and I made an alarmed high pitched noise."
@MichaelTrying: "I maintain an elaborate system of thousands of solar panels, but once a year I throw them away because screw it I'll make more."
@MichaelTrying: My behavior when there is a mosquito in the car while I’m driving suggests I am willing to die in order to kill a mosquito.
@MichaelTrying: Cough drops are perfect for when you want the cough you've had for three days to stop for 60 seconds and then come right back.
@MichaelTrying: If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain, that’s fine but your piña colada is going to get watered down.
@MichaelTrying: As an atheist I don’t receive many xmas cards and the ones I do disproportionately say “may God have mercy on your soul.”