Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Mindless4Miles's best tweets

@Mindless4Miles : Sure my whining and moaning is annoying now but when I'm a ghost it'll be cool as hell.

@Mindless4Miles: I remember when people had the common decency to not look at you while you're staring at them.

@Mindless4Miles: Don’t mess with me. I come from a generation that would walk to a mail box to mail a letter if we were angry enough with you.

@Mindless4Miles: I just show up at seances for the awkward, forced companionship holding hands around a table brings.

@Mindless4Miles: She said she liked a man with a mouth on him and I admitted that I too like someone with all their face parts.

@Mindless4Miles: *stays up all night watching true crime murder mysteries on tv*

*can't come up with a good alibi why I'm late for work*

@Mindless4Miles: I just want to be rich enough one day to name my kid after an Australian mammal or something found in my spice rack.

@Mindless4Miles: "Are you going to finish that?"

-takes a tantrum from a toddler

@Mindless4Miles: Every gift from a child is special. Except for this, pine cone #763. I could really do without that.