@MissBamantha: A Haiku For My Salad:
I do not like you
You will never be grilled cheese
You make my mouth sad
@MissBamantha: Grandpa Joe's all, I'm gonna just stay in bed for twenty years. Wait, a CHOCOLATE FACTORY? jkjk I can walk!
He's my kinda people.
@MissBamantha: Boyfriend Test: Sour Skittles in one hand. Peanut Butter M&Ms in the other. Which do you choose?
WRONG. Neither. Don't ever take my candy.
@MissBamantha: Nothing in the history of the English language has backfired more than the phrase "calm down."
@MissBamantha: Overheard a girl just say she's full because she ate at 3:00. It's 6:00. How can you stay full for THREE HOURS, alien?