Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of MomofTeen's best tweets

@MomofTeen : Before our first date, I texted him: Look for a tall, young, leggy brunette. I’ll be the short middle-aged blonde next to HER.

@MomofTeen: Each year, my Dad gives me money to buy Christmas gifts for everyone.
Each year, my Dad says, "I can't wait to see what I got everyone!"

@MomofTeen: I have hidden my son's socks in his sock drawer where he will never find them.

@MomofTeen: Americans pay for gym memberships and for people to mow their lawns.

@MomofTeen: Gravy boat.
Gravy boat.
All the dishes are on my son's bedroom floor so I'm drinking coffee from a GRAVY BOAT!

@MomofTeen: Whenever I think of you, I am grateful for the many, many miles between us.

@MomofTeen: Interviewer: What makes you unique?

Me: I'm loyal to a fault, don't gossip, & work hard.

I: Yeah, so, you're not really going to fit in.

@MomofTeen: Not to split hairs, but I called you "haughty," not "hottie."

@MomofTeen: If having a social media account makes you a journalist, changing a lightbulb makes me an electrician.

@MomofTeen: Lower your expectations.
Lower yet.
Keep going.
There.
Hi, I'm Nancy!