Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of MomofTeen's best tweets

@MomofTeen : Yes, I am a fully grown woman. No, I won't leave this ball pit.

@MomofTeen: Shortly after firing up my Toro Power Sweep, I begin thinking of myself as a "leaf herder" and realize I need to get out more often.

@MomofTeen: When they spot a towel hanging neatly on a rack, teens consider it a personal challenge to rip it down, wad it up & leave it on the floor.

@MomofTeen: 40-26-36.

My measurements?
Naw.
Just the three Chinese meal entrees I'm ordering.

@MomofTeen: It's been six years since my job interview.

I'm beginning to suspect they chose someone else.

@MomofTeen: Newton's amended 1st law of motion:

Objects dropped on the floor by teens will remain at rest for months unless acted upon by an angry Mom.

@MomofTeen: Customer Service: How does the name appear on your credit card?

Me: If i had to guess, I'd say it's 11 pt. Arial bold.

@MomofTeen: By a show of hands, how many of you are raising your hands?

@MomofTeen: I loved him with a fervor I normally reserved for carrot cake.

That.

@MomofTeen: I've never used the word culvert in a sentence. Well, until now.