Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of MooseAllain's best tweets

@MooseAllain : "What colour would you call this?" "Fawn" "What colour would you call this, o wise and beautiful identifier of colours?"

@MooseAllain: Does anybody know what the word 'delegate' means? (Asking for a friend)

@MooseAllain: "Do you know what female deer are called?”
“Does”
“Sorry - does you know what female deer are called?"

@MooseAllain: Very sad to hear about Piers Morgan. Nothing's happened to him, I'm just very sad to hear about him.

@MooseAllain: I've always been a staunch egalitarian, although occasionally I will eat other birds of prey.

@MooseAllain: Make porridge seem more glamorous by describing it as "Oat Cuisine".

@MooseAllain: Seriously considering commissioning a family portrait photo and getting the photographer to photoshop all our faces slightly too small. Enough to be disconcerting, but not enough for guests to feel comfortable mentioning it.

@MooseAllain: Don't forget if you're a member of the Tautology Society, we've got our annual AGM meeting tonight.

@MooseAllain: [tracker kneels and examines spoor]
- A herd of idiots has passed this way but an hour ago.
- How can you tell?
- Look. Fresh nincompoop.