Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of NOTVIKING's best tweets

@NOTVIKING : DR: i’m afraid you’re sterile ME: yeah i just washed my hands DR: no...you can’t have kids ME: right. men can’t get pregnant DR: you’ll never be able to pass down your genes ME: that’s okay. when i finally have a son i’ll just buy him his own pair

@NOTVIKING: “always save your grocery bags,” my parents told me. “you never know when you might need them.” i now have thousands of bags. it is an ever-growing mass that cannot be stopped. at this point i don’t have any room for food so i must eat the bags. they become angry.

@NOTVIKING: her: we even finish each other’s s-
me: -omebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed she was looki