Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of OkieGirl405's best tweets

@OkieGirl405 : 95% of your time as a parent is spent trying to figure out who broke it, who stole it and who ate it

@OkieGirl405: Kids: you burned the popcorn

Me: you gave me stretch marks

Being a mom is easy

@OkieGirl405: I changed my relationship status to "I'm sharpening my knives" on Facebook so my boyfriend's family will never come visit

@OkieGirl405: I've yet to find the village where people help you raise your kids

@OkieGirl405: My favorite people are the ones that like to pass judgement on others because they have obviously lead a perfect life

@OkieGirl405: Pro tip: when your neighbors make you mad, send your 8 y/o son over to describe in complete detail what all 379 of his Hot Wheels look like

@OkieGirl405: Guns don't kill people

People that have 5 kids, 1 cat, 2 ex-mother-in-laws & work 50 hours a week without wine in their life, kill people

@OkieGirl405: My boyfriend is taking me to a Spanish restaurant for dinner, I'm kind of scared, I don't speak Spanish, how will I know not to order dog

@OkieGirl405: Roses are red
Violets are blue
Meet me in bed
To learn something new

Pfff....poetry is easy

@OkieGirl405: This is a fake tweet, someone asked me to put their # in my phone so I'm pretending to add it to my contacts