@OrangeFact: My new favorite thing on Twitter is this three-year feud between Wendy's and a cabbage account
ME: I hope you like your wine dry
HER: But of cour- umm that's just a glass of raisins
ME: *mouth full of raisins* it's weally dwy
@OrangeFact: ME AT HOME: I'll eat a whole pizza & a tub of ice cream for dinner
ME ON A DATE: *just chewing on tree bark* this is all I need to survive
@OrangeFact: Apples are actually bad for your health! Scientists have discovered that everyone who ate an Apple during the 15th Century is now dead.
@OrangeFact: [First Date]
HER: I love dogs.
ME: [Trying to impress her] Waiter, give us your finest Labrador - medium rare.
@OrangeFact: Sometimes I'll order things online & pay for handling but not shipping. I don't want the product; I just want them to move it around a bit.
@OrangeFact: SPOILER ALERT: In the book "What to Expect When You're Expecting," it's a baby. You're expecting a baby.