Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of PajamaBen_'s best tweets

@PajamaBen_ : Billy where is your homework? "im sorry Ms. Klein my dog- *sees dog in the window make a throat cutting motion* -gone cat ate it"

@PajamaBen_: *dad walks up to me stroking his beard* son, where do we keep the dog treats again? Im hun- *beard falls off revealing my dog. he runs away*

@PajamaBen_: *cop pulls me over*
Have you been drinking?
No I-
*water bottle now full of wine*
*officer lowers shades. its Jesus*
No one will believe you

@PajamaBen_: "The Sun is dying. We need help" the scientists are speechless. Cool Dad kicks in the door & removes his shades "It's daylight savings time"

@PajamaBen_: You know what I really like about you, girl? You're really down to earth. *waits for response, nothing. Goes to next tombstone* You know wha