Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Papa_Mex's best tweets

@Papa_Mex : Me? Yes, of course I have feelings! Last Sunday, for example, I dropped a piece of bacon on the floor. I just stared and cried for 18 mins

@Papa_Mex: -I'm just gonna have 1 drink before dinner
-I'm just gonna have 1 drink with dinner
-I'm just gnna hav 1 aftdinr drk
-I pishd ma pnts gen

@Papa_Mex: I bet Vegans that become zombies must really struggle with the whole brain-eating lifestyle...

@Papa_Mex: Either the dude in the bathroom was having a surprise birth, or he needs to eat a LOT less hay in his diet....

@Papa_Mex: On the way in a fox ran across the road ahead of me...I slowed down pretty quick cuz i knew a bunch of English dudes on horses were next...

@Papa_Mex: Wow some neighbors really freak out when they wake up on a Sunday morning and find me making myself some pancakes in their kitchen

@Papa_Mex: The sonogram of your baby looks awesome!* So clear!** And he looks happy!***

*Creepy
**Is it a human?
***I think you're having a racoon

@Papa_Mex: When a coworker pisses me off, I like to write his name down for 23 boxes of girl scout cookies on the form in the break room

@Papa_Mex: You think Minnie Mouse ever got drunk & decided to bang Goofy after a Disney mixer?

-Was the last time my boss asked me for my thoughts

@Papa_Mex: But baby, if you didn't want me climbing in your window, why'd you leave the ladder in the garage behind the workbench chained to the beam?