Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Pork_Chop_Hair's best tweets

@Pork_Chop_Hair : [using tweezers to yank out a splinter] *extreme rat noises*

@Pork_Chop_Hair: I am not above nurturing our friendship for years just to get that secret family recipe.

@Pork_Chop_Hair: When transporting a hot cup of coffee from the microwave, I highly recommend not sneezing.

@Pork_Chop_Hair: You: Help! I’ve been shot!

Me (remembering a time I poked a hole in the side of my cup o’ noodles with a fork but held my finger over it to stop the broth from leaking while I ate): I can help.

@Pork_Chop_Hair: 9, playing an iPad game: Weird... I accidentally did something and my character became fat.

Me: Same.

@Pork_Chop_Hair: *dances with wolves
*wolf asks to be my man
*I become bae o’ wolf

@Pork_Chop_Hair: *fingerpaints your nude portrait using a can of Easy Cheese*

@Pork_Chop_Hair: Stop screaming. Lots of people rub their eyes with toes.

@Pork_Chop_Hair: Margo: And why is the snow all wet, TODD?

Todd: I don't KNOW, Margo!

@Pork_Chop_Hair: Get you a man who isn’t really into movies: He’ll never know that sweet love note you wrote him is really just a series of lines from Field of Dreams.