@Pork_Chop_Hair: Don't tell me I don't know about sacrifice. I mix the ends of cereals into one bowl so my family can open new boxes. Without my appetite for disgusting mixtures, they'd fall apart.
@Pork_Chop_Hair: [if ‘cahoots’ meant love]
Me: I’m in cahoots with you. I’ve always been in cahoots with you.
Person: I’ve told you. I’m in cahoots with someone else. You and I could never be in cahoots. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.
Casting Director: can you do accents?
Me: *cries Britishly*
CD: oh very nice, excellent- anything else?
Me: *cries in Japanese*
CD, overcome with emotion: breathtaking... truly
@Pork_Chop_Hair: Me: *clapping enthusiastically*
You: an actual strobe light would be more effective for the dance party, tho
@Pork_Chop_Hair: Normal Person: *has a bad dream, says “that was weird haha” and goes on with day*
Me: *has a bad dream, thinks of ways to make it into an unusual, horrifying plot for a novel, then get writer’s block, can’t finish it, and say “that was weird haha” and go on with my day*
@Pork_Chop_Hair: [seconds after I am done vacuuming the entire house]
My Dog: I LOVE YOU AND I HAVE BROUGHT YOU THE ENTIRE LAWN AND SO MANY LEAVES!
@Pork_Chop_Hair: Everyone is thinking about who they'll kiss at midnight, and all I can think about is meatballs.
@Pork_Chop_Hair: Pro Tip: If you're searching for Moana You Tube video clips for your kids, DO NOT forget the 'a' on the end.
@Pork_Chop_Hair: Me: I woke up feeling super happy and confident, this is great! Nothing can go wrong.
Those Shoes That Make My Feet Smell Like Old Cheese: hey girl. wear me.