Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of PostCultRev's best tweets

@PostCultRev : FBI PROFILER, LOOKING AT PHOTOS OF MY HOUSE: White male, mid-30s, doesn't have a lot of friends or close associations, probably read a lot about serial killers as a kid, eats a lot of bullshit food, no real skills ME: I'm right here FBI PROFILER: Talks like an idiot

@PostCultRev: MY 6YO SON: We're on Earth, where outer space can't find us. It wants to kill us, so we hide out here.
ME: [terrified] Eat your cereal, kiddo

@PostCultRev: DATING PROFILE: I'm looking for a partner in crime
FIRST DATE: Okay, I need you to kill the mayor

@PostCultRev: [2054: We develop cheap cloning technology]
[2055: Restaurant opens where you can have clones of yourself serve cooked clones of yourself]

@PostCultRev: Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Better yet, dress for jobs that don't even exist. Werewolf psychiatrist. Clown assassin.

@PostCultRev: I asked two Uber drivers to pick each other up and am watching them chase each other in circles around my block until they run out of gas.

@PostCultRev: "Clue" is a board game about people trapped in a house and one of them is a homicidal maniac who has just killed. Ages 8 and up.