Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Poutymcgee's best tweets

@Poutymcgee : *brings all the jars I can't open along with me on our first date

@Poutymcgee: *chugs down my 6th glass of wine and slams it on the table

Can I hold your baby?

@Poutymcgee: Doe. A deer. A female deer.

Ray. My sex offender neighbooouur.

@Poutymcgee: Murderer:You can't hide from me!

Me:*hiding*

Murderer:BOOM BOOM BOOM LET ME HEAR YA SAY WEY-OH!

Me:*sweating

Me:

Me:WEY-OH! God Dammit.

@Poutymcgee: [Carpenter First Date]

So, tell me about your shelf.

@Poutymcgee: *takes a long drag from a cigarette

*points at your baby

What's wrong with your dog?

@Poutymcgee: SHAKE WHAT YOUR MAMA GAVE YA!

*shakes Uncle Johns ashes in a gold plated ornate urn

@Poutymcgee: [during sex]

If you say Jesus backwards it sounds like Sausage.

@Poutymcgee: Doe. A deer. A female deer.

Ray. My creepy Uncle's naaaame.