Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of RandomlyMJ's best tweets

@RandomlyMJ : *hits on a guy* He's bleeding. I think I'm doing this wrong.

@RandomlyMJ: Falling for someone from Twitter is as intelligent as trying to give yourself a lobotomy with a sharpened jelly donut.

@RandomlyMJ: Is there such a thing as spontaneous feline combustion? Anyway, baking soda and vinegar are terrible for cats.

@RandomlyMJ: 8 out of 10 men prefer not to date psychotic women with bad tempers, emotional baggage and daddy issues.

To the other two....

Hi, I'm MJ

@RandomlyMJ: Judging from the sounds in my trunk this guy would have had an excellent career as a drummer.

@RandomlyMJ: I just want to rub all over you........

........with the front end of my car.

@RandomlyMJ: My exes new girlfriend has been calling me looking for him for days. It got old. I gave in and sent her the map and shovel.

@RandomlyMJ: Thanks to Twitter I will never again ask a man "What are you thinking?" Because now I know and I am horrified.