@RdrJay47: What part of this $7.50 Wal Mart T-shirt makes you think I'd like to see the wine list?
@RdrJay47: Drive Thru Clerk: Wow, you smell good. What are you wearing?
Me: [hiding fries from the other drive thru] You wouldn't know, it's french.
@RdrJay47: You all think your dad's cargo shorts are lame until you need to smuggle some Reese's Pieces into the movie theater.
@RdrJay47: I'm sorry I hosed off your toddler as he walked by my house but I can't afford to get sick right now.
@RdrJay47: If you offer me celery I'll use it as it was originally intended, to beat you with.
@RdrJay47: Trainer: Why do you want to learn jujitsu?
Person 1: To defend myself.
Person 2: Discipline.
Me: My girlfriend keeps stealing my fries.