@RdrJay47: [Food Network: Cake Wars]
As the team barely delivers their massive cake to the judges table.
Cat Judge pushes it off the table
@RdrJay47: A virus that wipes out every photo filter across the internet but leaves the photos.
@RdrJay47: Me: I'd like to adopt that baby.
Clerk: Sir, that's a family sized
platter of Super Nachos.
@RdrJay47: Her: What brings you to speed dating?
Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.
@RdrJay47: Damn Girl, did you just get in a water balloon fight or are you happy to see me?
@RdrJay47: I'm sorry I said the Nazis were also a party when you invited me to celebrate your kid's first birthday.