@RexHuppke: My wife said the infinity scarf I got her is too small and I said: "That's mathematically impossible."
Anyhoo, we're divorced now.
@RexHuppke: Just once I want to see a new parent post a baby photo on Facebook with the words: "Still not sure if we like it, tbh."
@RexHuppke: "Let's take a couple dozen over-stimulated children and give them enough sugar to kill an elephant." - inventor of the birthday party
@RexHuppke: I wonder if racist families have that one liberal uncle who gets drunk at Thanksgiving and goes on about how Obama is DEFINITELY American.
@RexHuppke: God, grant me the serenity to yell at immigrant children, the courage to still say I'm a Christian, and the ignorance to not get the irony.
@RexHuppke: My favorite part of the Bible is where Jesus gives money to the rich, tells the poor to suck it up and asks for Caesar's birth certificate.
@RexHuppke: Interestingly, if we invade North Korea because it caused us to miss a movie, that still won't be the worst reason we ever went to war.
@RexHuppke: Fox News: Witnesses are telling us Michael Brown may have charged Officer Darren Wilson atop a dragon, wielding a poison-tipped broadsword
@RexHuppke: For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.